Planting Day & Pizza Party

A flyer was put on our front door the other day announcing the planting day and pizza party on October 5. Unfortunately, Deb and I will be in Denver for the weekend, and won’t be able to attend. And, we hope everyone who goes has a great time. It looks like great fall weather, and I’ve always enjoyed digging in the dirt to help beautify the neighborhood.

I have to, however, share my experience related to the stated intention of the party: healing.

I heard the word brought up immediately after the new board first met. Great intention, I thought. But, how, exactly, is this being proposed?

I had seen the 2018 Board run roughshod over several owners, admit they got it partially wrong, but then, without a sufficient mea culpa (if one at all), kind of demanded that the victims “bury the hatchet”. You know, because, healing.

Yeah, head-scratcher.

So, of course, the concept of Healing: 2019 Style, piqued my interest.

I went to the second Board meeting on September 10, mostly to help with the transfer of the website to the new board, as well as other transfers of the documentation.

That’s where I heard Gloria announce the idea of having a healing day by having the community come out and plant daffodils, and do some weeding. The Social Committee never found any new leadership, but Herb stepped up and said he’d work on that.

So, I was surprised to be contacted by the Board several days later about the Landscaping Committee. Apparently, if I attended the meeting to plan the “healing” event, all of the other members would quit. I suppose this would fit the narrative that I somehow cause all volunteers to quit. But, this was the first time it was in advance of a meeting – for which the agenda was daffodils, pizza, and healing. Healing.

Of course, to be fair, I had reached out to Gloria and asked her to straighten the record regarding the email sent by the “majority bloc” on June 15, which I believe seriously mischaracterized me to the entire community. Clearly, in hindsight, the characterizations were false and/or unfair. If healing were to begin, why not between the two of us.

The response to my email: Crickets.

Well, that, and a message passed through a third party that not only would my email never receive a response, but it would never be read. None of my emails would ever be read. Ever.

Because, you know, healing.

Mm’kay.

So, I was surprised to get an email from Gloria last week asking me if I was coming to the meeting on Wednesday. It was at Jen Hutchinsen’s house, with Herb and Jen acting as the Social part of the planning of this event. I considered it, but, as it turned out, my schedule didn’t allow.

But, without any response to my earlier email asking for actual healing, it felt weird, uncomfortable, and awkward to walk into a meeting I had been told I was explicitly unwelcome (causing everyone else to quit in advance), and then, without any explanation as to why that was no longer the case, being invited to the same meeting to discuss healing that was clearly never going to materialize between the chair and myself.

Yet, I was willing to go. Eternal optimist.

I got a report back that the meeting went “very well”, and then I got this nice flyer on the doorstep. I honestly felt that maybe we actually were on track to some incremental healing. A good first step.

Then I found out there was yet another meeting held the next night. At Irve’s house, again, under the auspices of “healing”. It didn’t go well. At all. Says everyone.

As a result, I’ve had a few days to gather some additional perspectives, and take some time to think about where to go from here – and what my words can do to help or hurt any of these efforts.

My position remains the same: I believe this community needs to be informed in order to make informed choices.

I know I am right about this. But, last weekend, I went back to Chicago to see my Dad. It would have been my Mom’s 85th Birthday. We went to church, and the sermon branched off the prodigal son story. And, the pastor focused on the outraged son who was right, but had trouble being kind.

I recognize this balancing act. Being right isn’t enough. The path to healing requires asserting your position firmly, but with kindness that recognizes that, in the end, we are neighbors seeking a mutually agreeable outcome.

However, in order to achieve a mutually agreeable outcome, there must be communication between parties that may disagree. And, at the center of the disputes, past and present, the fact that most of the neighborhood is kept in the dark intentionally interferes with their ability to make informed decisions about who represents them, as well as the underlying issues those representatives are considering.

I contend that central to this effort is a digital community square that is a right for each and every member to have a voice – and no board, and no majority on any board, has a right to banish any owner from dissenting with the board. All, of course, within reasonable boundaries of civil discourse. It’s the wholesale blocking of entire issues from being considered from the agenda and therefore voting that is at the heart of the dispute with the board that was removed.

But, unfortunately, removal didn’t settle the issue. There is the cognitively dissonant messages of “healing” while simultaneously demanding being added to a board under threat of litigation for being an “illegally elected” board. Persons who believe both approaches can coexist are gaslighters, and, in my humble opinion, demonstrate they are unfit for both duty.

Yet, even if I’m absolutely right about any or all of this, I’m supposed to prioritize being kind.

So, while I truly hope that those who go simply compartmentalize all of this nonsense, and simply enjoy a day with their neighbors. I really do. And, I’m sure some will have issues with me publishing my opinions on this matter. I welcome your feedback.

But, I can’t equate being kind with being silent, particularly when I am witnessing the pattern of some neighbors appearing to be on a mission to go after others with the powers endowed to notice and fine their neighbors over their outsized opinions about what rules they believe everyone mutually agreed to.

The current board has my confidence that they are going to guide us into an organized process to self-determine our rules and guidelines, as well as how we enforce them. I’ll contribute positively to this effort.

But, if you want me to be kind while being right, the best I can promise is being honest as I shine a light on these ongoing shenanigans. For the healing to begin, the shenanigans must end. And, that doesn’t appear to be in the near term at all. The rise of the Niners is upon us, and I anxiously await the first one of them to explain why it’s so important to have nine people on our board and badger the new board daily over this issue.

Or why they can’t be kind about it, even if they think they are right.